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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Cutting My Clothes in Half


So I was going to fight Mike Tyson on a roof. It was a like an official warm up match for the continuation of his last fight however many years ago or some shit like that. I had no corner, no coach, no help, just some random bro-brahs that thought of it as more of a joke then anything. I wanted to get my wrists and hands taped up for this shitshow but no one would help me out. I overheard Mike complain that his wraps were too strong and too lethal -- great. He seemed like a really nice guy though. We chatted briefly as I wanted to get to know the man that was about to destroy me. I was quite worried about getting knocked out with concussion but figured if I just kept my gloves up and elbows in I'd be ok. Suddenly my phone rings. Oh shit! I take off my gloves and check to see whose calling. "Oh hey Anna!" After answering some trivial question I said, "Guess what? I'm fighting Mike Tyson...on a roof! On TV!" She didn't really seem to care or hear what I said. Oh well. At this point somehow the fight was delayed due to my psyche not wanting to commit to a bloodbath, so I ended up inside this nice clubhouse area. I was hyped up for the fight but everyone walking around in their suits and drinks saw me as a joke. One guy even had the nerve to push me and laugh. I thought nothing of it really; just some d-bag, eh? Suddenly out of nowhere this smoking hot brunette comes up to me and starts getting real flirtatious. Finally, something good! So I start feeling her up and then I noticed something cold and wet on her right cheek (buttcheek). As soon as I feel this she looks slightly startled and walks over towards a a door. Did this bitch pee herself or something? I followed her into the room and it turned out it was a bathroom. Very classy. People were in there relieving themselves but we both walked into a stall unnoticed. Anywho, now we were in the stall and I notice she has this cold wet dirt on her thigh. It looked a lot like potting soil. She had no idea how it got there. I had no idea. At this point I was beginning to worry about STDs so I ditched the girl and woke up. Who the hell worries about STDs in a sex dream? Apparently I do.

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